Some pretty incredible things have been happening in my life recently.
Although it has been sad to have to say goodbye's to people and the last drinks for a while, i liked to remind myself that, just as Xater Bay sang, "it's not goodbye, it's goodbye for now. Never goodbye, just goodbye for now." With that i have been able to view things with a happier slant and, i have to admit, if you want people to tell you they love you, tell them you are going away for a while!! I have been completely blown away by how lovely, sweet, friendly and accessible all my friends have been. I have had the BEST farewells and it has definitely made me second guess if this is worth leaving. It is not, i am coming back. At some stage, i will be coming back.
All of you that helped to pack out the Lappo. Thank you. it was the best night out i have ever had there. and i did not even have a bet!! everyone was so happy and friendly and it really was the best crew to hang around with. Am going to miss you all so much from the bottom of my heart.
I am a bit worried. I have been tearing up ever since 8:45 Friday morning but nothing has really flowed. When it does. It will probably be a bitch to try and stop! Something else i am worried about. My goal was to get really hot so that when Laura saw me at San Francisco airport she would just be like "Dayyyyyyum!" but, thanks to farewells, drinks, eating and general busy-ness, i am probably in the worst shape i have been in 18 months. A last ditch run tomorrow is on the agenda. Anything that can be salvaged, will. and i don't deny that i will probably do push ups in the SFO airport bathroom before i go out to meet her!
Now. Things i will miss. Of course there are the obvious, main ones. I am going to miss my family like crazy. My friends almost as much. Saying goodbye's to the niece and nephews were pretty sad. I know too well that Teddy is going to be growing up so much at this age and my godson is not going to have me around for a pretty important time. I already feel that Ryan will be a man on my return and Josie is practically a lady. As i stated above. My friends, you all gave me an incredible farewell on Friday which made me feel beyond blessed, lucky, thankful and so very happy. I am beyond happy that i am able to call you guys friends - i am going to miss you all so much.
But beyond all that there is the things i take for granted. Some things i will run through now. A short version because i want you to not bore or tire... Mum cooking my favourite meal (like today). talking politics, racing, sport, music with Dad. work - i legitimately enjoyed my job and adored the people who met me there each morning. The people who are always there for a chat or a drink. A day at the races. Just watching the races. Frosty fruits. Cricket - playing it, being in the team, having a beer and a BBQ after the games, win, draw or devastating loss. Those weekends when my brother goes away and i could stay in the city and have ridiculous nights out where it did not matter when i got home. My panthers - even when they suck so much. it just makes it better when they win. Gym sessions with Nick. My friends smiling, laughing. I know i am going to miss relationships forming with people i love, relationships falling apart and i won't be there to be able to assist as much as i would like to. I am going to miss being there for important moments in their lives. Things they will always talk about in the future and i will have to pretend i was there for. Things that may never ever happen again.
I am going to miss a lot. But, as i said at the start. "It's not goodbye, it's goodbye for now." I have to live my life, do my thing, follow my dreams and listen to my heart. I am still 100% sure what i am doing is right. And i would regret not doing it. I want to get to America, work hard, be a perfect boyfriend, write a lot and come out of it a better person.
But, i hope you know, i am really going to miss you.
Lots of love,
John.
p.s. check it! https://www.facebook.com/xaterbay?fref=ts
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