I had the most promising start to the first job i called about. "Hi, I'm calling about the job posting on craigslist..." I lead in with... "You're hired!" said the lady at the other end "I love your accent."
We organised an interview and i went in only to find a semi-shoddy business lacking the professionalism I desired. It sounded as though i would turn up to business places with a cheesy suit and a cheesier smile and say something along the lines of "have i got a deal for you?" and empty a whole lot of dirt on to their carpet. Provided they agree to buy the vacuum cleaner in my other hand, i would then demonstrate the suction power and efficiency of the device. See that folks? Your carpet is actually cleaner than it was before you the dirt landed there! and that pleasant scent you ask? Lavender! Now isn't that a bonus! Sales is not my thing... I am not into duping people or pressuring them. Especially when money is involved. I was offered a position. I declined. In a roundabout way. Because I have problems giving a flat no.
Another job asked me for an interview. On that same day. I went, suit and tie, to business centre and a small office where an overly friendly, bubbly, attractive secretary welcomed me and i looked around at the fellow candidates. I was definitely the best dressed. The manager walked out and said "i'm so busy. i am an hour behind today and i am just going to get all three of you to come in." Now, as a potential employer, i would never ever say that i was an hour behind as a first impression to someone who would be working for me. It was also very apparent that nobody had ever read our resumes. Nonetheless, in we went and heard all about the role and what we would be doing. The only real questions we were asked were "what is your best quality?" and "when would you be available to start?" I was able to cement a second interview by saying my best quality was my positivity and i could start in two Monday's. Easy enough.
I turned up, to a crowded reception room, around ten minutes early. Some more people arrived and i quickly realised that i was not the only one with a noon interview. Again, though, I was the best dressed.
There were 13 of us and we were escorted to a large room with a lectern at the front. It didn't look like this was going to be a normal interview either. In the phone call we were told to expect 2-2.5 hours and to bring a notebook. Did they have any intention to actually interview anyone?
Evan, the manager i saw initially, made a grand entrance after we were all seated. I chose a spot up the front and wanted to put in a good account for myself. Evan was from New Jersey and sounded like a cross between Wallace Shawn, Billy Crystal and, i guess, Pauly D. And, boy, could he talk!
It was an entry level management position and I would be a branch manager for an energy company which is expanding due to deregulation in the state. Evan covered the role, qualities he was looking for, what the deregulation means, the training program and the benefits and contract info. If we were accepted, we would find out later that day and orientation would occur on Monday. Orientation? What more could they possibly tell us?!
We had been told, in jest, to smile, laugh at his jokes etc. Too many people took this way too seriously and i found it nauseating after the two hours that Evan spoke for, non-stop. The girl next to me took ridiculous notes. I could not help but look over at her writing things like "really serious" and "sometimes 15 minutes overtime." She wrote about 726 pages and kept circling things and being loud. I found it funny.
Turned out that 8 people would be hired. 8 out of 13 was really good odds. That was one of the last things he said per schedule. Phew. He even went through the entire contract. Word for word. I thought he was done. No, no. After exhausting everyone except himself he went on to tell a tale of heroism, courage under fire and self-interested egoism. How everyone doubted his abilities to do his job and "look at me now." After two and a half hours he was going to go around the room and ask us some questions. My throat was dry, i was not sure if i could say a word.
Throughout the "interview" process i realised that, seeing as i was not sure whether i would still be in San Jose from August. Thankfully i was first cab off the rank and he asked me if i was able to start on Monday. I said "to be frank, i can't assure my availability from August onwards so it would be best if i eliminated myself from consideration." I then thanked him for the opportunity and walked out of the room. I think i shocked myself.
It was a nice opportunity for the right person but it did seem disorganised. Hopefully i fall into the right job really really soon. Another two weeks of unemployment and i am in serious danger of an alcohol addiction.
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